I am packing right now. My longstanding struggles with OCD and perfectionism are revving up and challenging me to truly grasp for God's grace in the most stressful of circumstances. Research shows that moving is one of the most stressful things that people go through, next to divorce and a death in the family. To add to this, we are moving in with John's parent's. Luckily, this is all temporary, or, it should be.
This is what is so interesting about this move. Frankly, we have no idea what the hell we are doing. When looking only at the facts in front of us, what we are doing makes okay sense, but it does seem a bit rash, and a bit scary.
At the end of this month we are putting our house on the market. If Wild Grace Workshop is going to grow, moving to a place with a shop on site is a must. Even further, our dreams and plans as a family rely upon things which our current home cannot give us.
Since the beginning of our relationship adoption has been an important word in our vocabulary. Providing a home for children who need one is something I have always hoped to do, and John is a compulsive father (seriously, I have seen that man take a crying baby away from its mother to sooth it). He can't help himself, he was made to father. For myself, I grew up having dealt with things no child should deal with, and it drives me to show love to others in the same situation. We were both made for this. So, we have to go after it. This business, this life, it is more than a dream, it is a calling.
We found a place, who knows if it is where we will actually end up, but we found what we want. A farm, several acres, a place to get away. Despite it's current size, we see big things for Wild Grace Workshop (I am sure most small business owners feel this way, but it does not change the validity of our vision). It remains to be seen whether my relentless optimism will serve to help, or hinder, our business's future.
The thing is, this is more than a business. The thin line between where we end as a business and begin as a family is less of a line and more of a bridge. We are one, and somehow, we see these dreams coming together. How beautiful would it be to have a business that feeds into helping others find their dreams? Like the dream of a child to have a loving family, or the dream of someone to pursue learning an art-form.
We are full of dreams right now. But, this is where my dormant OCD has creeped up There is no way to plan for any of this, to make things work out, or to make it happen. We are going in blind here, just like packing. As I pack, I have no idea what I am packing for. We could be in our "temporary" situation for a month, living out of boxes and then moving on, as planned. However, what if our home does not sell right away? Despite all my efforts, it is impossible to pack up your life perfectly and organize it into small boxes, which can be flawlessly gone through when something is needed and unpacked with little effort.
This whole processes, like packing, is so messy. In our wedding vows, which we wrote ourselves, John and I both promised one another a grand adventure, and that the pursuit of our own dreams would not be ignored. Now, as we take steps toward fulfilling those promises, we realize that sometimes people don't come out of the unknown unscathed. This might hurt, we might screw up, and I might pack my daughter's favorite stuffed animal in with the shirts that don't fit me and go on an investigation through packed boxes that remains unsolved until six years from now, when we finally go through "those boxes that have been sitting here forever and just need to be gone through."
We are so imperfect, and despite our best efforts, our dreams can get messy. Even so, I have to believe, that when those dreams are simply a manifestation of who you were created to be, eventually, they will come to pass. It helps to know that in the space of our plethora of weaknesses, God's strength is perfected.